Trailing spouse syndrome: How to thrive abroad together

Embarking on a new life in a foreign country? Thrilling, right? But add a partner or spouse into the mix, and it becomes an adventure of a whole different level!

Sure, the spouse gets a spousal visa, but guess what? They can’t just hop into a job unless some company sponsors their visa. Oh, and if you’re just a partner with a tourist visa, forget working altogether.

You’re probably wondering, “Why is this such a big deal?” Well, moving to a new country is hard. Having work as a distraction helps, but if you’re the spouse or partner, you’re stuck figuring out how to fill your day.

All these little things can pile up and lead to the trailing spouse syndrome. And trust us, it’s no joke. It can really test a relationship.

So, in this blog, we’re diving into trailing spouse syndrome—what it is, how to deal with it, and ways to support your spouse when you’re both trying to adjust to a new life abroad.

Understanding Trailing Spouse Syndrome

So, what exactly is trailing spouse syndrome? Well, first off, it’s not an official diagnosis (sorry, no fancy medical term for it), but it’s a neat way of labelling the struggles that come with pressing pause on your own career to follow your partner abroad.

Basically, it’s a mix of emotional, social, and professional challenges all wrapped up in one package

Emotional challenges

We’re talking loneliness, depression, and feeling like you’ve lost your sense of self. Oh, and don’t forget that creeping resentment that leads to fights, stonewalling, or even straight-up defensiveness. Be prepared for relationship chaos!

Social challenges

Making friends as an adult is hard enough—now throw in a foreign country (and maybe even a foreign language). Cue the deer-in-headlights moment. And, if you’re used to zipping around a big city on public transport but now you need a car, guess what? You’re stuck relying on your partner to go anywhere. So,the challenges add up!

And who’s left to lean on for emotional support? Yep, your partner—who’s also trying to adjust and is probably just as stressed as you are. Recipe for conflict, anyone?

Professional challenges

We all want to feel useful, right? But as a trailing spouse, your career is on hold, and even if you hunt for jobs online, it takes time. Meanwhile, you’re stuck in this limbo, wondering if this break is a chance to recharge or just a career dead-end.

And if you were already climbing the career ladder? Oof, now you’re watching all that hard work fade while becoming financially dependent on your partner.

Symptoms of trailing spouse syndrome

Sure, it’s not technically a medical condition, but the stress of moving abroad can seriously affect you both physically and mentally.

We’ve already talked about those dreaded mental health issues like depression, relentless homesickness, and anxiety. But let’s not forget about those stress-related health problems too.

We’re talking about constantly getting sick, dealing with annoying indigestion, pounding headaches, feeling utterly exhausted, and the list goes on. And if you’re stuck in a country with hardly any sunshine, brace yourself for Seasonal Affective Disorder too.

Strategies for Coping with Trailing Spouse Syndrome

If you’re the trailing spouse, here’s how to survive (and maybe even thrive):

Maintaining a sense of identity

Just because you can’t work doesn’t mean you’re stuck doing nothing. Here are some options:

• Hobbies: Find hobby groups on apps like Meetup or Bumble for Friends. It’s easier to bond with people when you share a common interest – no need for new languages!
  
  
• Education: No need for expensive courses. Check out language schools or try new skills like photography or cooking. Who knows, you might find your passion!
  
  
• Volunteer: Local charities always need help. It’s a great way to meet people and stay busy.
  
  
• Religion: If faith is important to you, connect with local religious groups to keep a familiar routine.

Building a network of support

If you have friends or family nearby, lucky you! But most of us end up alone, aside from our partner or spouse. So how do you find your tribe?

• Join expat or trailing spouse groups: Misery loves company, and these groups are full of people going through the same struggles. You’ll get advice, meet new people, and maybe even land a job.
  
  
• Communicate with your partner: They’re your main support system, so be honest. Talk about finances, expectations, fears, and even your long-term goals. Sometimes, just talking things through can ease the burden.

Exploring new career opportunities

Okay, so the spousal visa doesn’t let you work – bummer. But that doesn’t mean you’re completely out of luck.

Check with your current company about remote work or a transfer.

Consider freelancing or remote gigs, but make sure to look into legal and tax rules.

You might even qualify for a digital nomad visa or start your own business if you’re feeling entrepreneurial.

Self-care

No, self-care doesn’t mean going on a shopping spree (as tempting as that sounds).

• Exercise: Hit the gym, try yoga, or take long walks.
  
  
• Basics: Eat well, sleep enough, and stay hydrated.
  
  
• Mental health: If things get tough, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Sometimes, a little support goes a long way.

Supporting your trailing partner

If your spouse or partner is tagging along with you, here’s what you simply have to do to juggle taking care of yourself and them:

Emotional and social support

We know, it sounds contradictory. But hey, support means different things to different people. What’s your partner’s version of it anyway?

• Open communication: Yeah, so now you have to check in with your spouse about their feelings, concerns, and experiences. Like you have all the answers—sometimes they just want a sounding board. Just let them vent about how tough things are and assure them it’ll get better.
  
  
• Patience: Some people need forever to adjust while others breeze through it. So, brace yourself to listen and hold space while they share their concerns.
  
  
• Celebrate milestones and set goals together: Oh joy, the first 90 days are a rollercoaster. Celebrate anything remotely progressive, like cooking one meal or finally setting up the house. And don’t forget about the goals—plan date nights, lazy days at home, or maybe a trip to a nearby city, because why not?
  
  
• Get professional help: Let’s face it, as the partner, you’re supposed to fix everything, right? But surprise, you can’t solve it all, so maybe a therapist can help untangle the mess and share some perspective.
  
  
• Offer practical support: Take charge of navigating public transport, doing groceries, and introducing them to your coworkers or friends—it could seriously make their life (and yours) easier.

And of course, it’s all about making sure your work and social life don’t completely overshadow their needs, while also not overextending yourself. Balance, right?

There really is no easy way out…

We could throw countless tips your way, but let’s be real—it’s all about showing up for each other and figuring out how to work as a team. It’s not about you against me, it’s about us against all these annoying problems.

So, be proactive in tackling these challenges. Just remember you’re not alone in this endless struggle and don’t hesitate to ask for help in whatever form you can get it.

At the end of the day, it’s supposed to be a new adventure, but the excitement shouldn’t come at the expense of your relationship with your partner or spouse.

Before you go…

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Disclaimer: This article is just for informative purposes. Details are accurate at the time of publishing. Instarem isn’t affiliated with any mentioned products or vendors.